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Emergent Asking: Get What You Need Now

Updated: May 8, 2023

Takeaway: Use four simple steps to ask for the help you need in any facet of life. Learn more by watching Val’s recent webinar, hosted by Bloomerang.

As we emerge from Covid (again!) we’re numb and needy. We’re overwhelmed, awkward, and weary. Despite all this, many of us don’t, won’t or can’t ask for help.

People ask all the time, some poorly, some well. Those who ask well know who, how, and when to ask. Oftentimes they succeed for themselves, their families, friends, and causes.

Sadly, there are some who don’t ask at all. Yet untapped allies and resources are all around us!

Asking is a process of logical steps which builds the momentum that will get to a “yes.” Next time you need to ask for help, try these simple steps.

  1. Thank – Tackle the easiest step first by thanking those who’ve helped you in the past. Tell them the positive impact they made. Studies show those who are well-thanked are more likely to help again.

  2. Engage – Place experience before expectation. Take a walk, share a drink, or chat with your potential helper before asking. They’ll be more likely to buy in.

  3. Discover – Your potential helper is a person, not a function. Research them on LinkedIn, observe and chat with others to better understand where they’re coming from. The more you know, the better you’ll be able to align your interests with theirs.

  4. Ask – When asking, try one of these effective and easy to remember techniques:

  • Due Diligence – Do your homework. Rather than presenting your ally with a problem, ask for help with a specific solution.

  • Broken Record – Calmly and nicely repeat your request over and over. Your potential helper may run out of reasons to say no, and/or bump you up to their supervisor.

  • Shared Goal – Focus on the outcomes that benefit both parties.

Push-back: What if there’s resistance? Author, CEO, and thought leader Tom Stanfill has identified four strategies for diffusing resistance. It’s designed for learners but is brilliant for asking. Learn more here.

Strengths-based asking. Those who focus on their strengths instead of fears are more successful. Val has developed 16 asking personality profiles illustrating how you can best participate in the asking process. To leverage your asking strengths send her your four-letter Myers-Briggs Type indicator (MBTI) or take my free quiz and send the results to She’ll send you your own personal, in-depth, two-page successful asking profile.

Still nervous? Imagining all the ways it could go wrong? When we worry, we’re visualizing failure.

Try visualizing success instead.

Before you ask, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and relax. Imagine what’s in your control. Think vividly, clearly, and in the present tense about your upcoming conversation. See yourself succeeding.

Our bodies can’t tell the difference between visualizing success and experiencing it, so imagine yourself asking confidently. You’re more likely to get a yes.


Val Jones & Kristina Robold

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